On The Hunt

A lot of people (except, perhaps, our exuberant youthful members) have absolutely no idea what we're doing next year.  The Mozz-el Tov just turned 23 last night, which is kind of scary for him, but much more so for me because I've been that age for five months now and still have my head up my ass.  We're currently facing a comical situation where we have no idea what/where we will be next fall and yet we're looking for housing.  Sounds pretty awkward, because it is.

In the meantime, here is what my resume, and probably others too, should actually look like (in part, of course.  The rest is 100% proprietary forever, thus I'll never have a job):
Objective:
-To secure a position at whatever company thinks I'm worth a damn so I can work my ass off and shmooze my way into a full-time position.
Education:
-*Insert incredibly large undergraduate school here with irrelevant liberal arts BA*
GPA: Darn good.  But wait -- you took "Dinosaurs" in your final semester?  As a... senior...? And... Rocket Science: A+?  Really?  Wow.
-*Insert much smaller school with way less connections with degree in progress (i.e. worthless)*
GPA: Arbitrarily high after a single semester despite probably totally blowing a group project
Experience:
-"This one time I had this one job and it's soooooooo relevant.  See?  Look how I worded everything I did!"
Extracurricular Activities:
-Collegiate jock.  Capitan, if you will.  Gotta reach out to those looking for bilingual candidates.
-Read stories to elementary school kids and I swear if I ever made fun of them for doing something stupid - it was because they deserved it!  Jimmy totally farted in front of his Mandy -- I mean, someone had to point it out.  (smelled terrible)
"Related Skills":
-Everything.  Honest to whichever religion you believe in, because if you hire me I will convert.