Competition

We're talking Willamette here.  But it's bigger than you know.  Ascott has boldly proclaimed that the "international team is destined for victory!"  The team looks strong with the likes of Scott himself and Chopkins representing the Red Coats, Le Malde the Scandinavian Reich, and Kip City the hopes and dreams of an entire continent.

The Natives team consists of T-Bar, Big Bob, Granddaddy, and Yours Truly.  While some may be perplexed by Granddaddy's involvement, he has vehemently pledged his allegiance and displayed his dogmatic patriotism quite enough.  No, seriously, that's enough now.

Anyway - here's an unbiased projection of how each individual will fare:

Scott - taken out by guerilla warfare tactics no later than the woods in mile 3.  Ever heard of the Revolutionary War?
Chopkins - finally defeats MRSA infection only to contract bubonic plague (Black Death).  With the race result now vastly insignificant given life circumstances, he drops out.
Le Malde - decides the course is preposterously inefficient and that it would be much smarter to run directly to the finish line.  Disqualified.
Kip City - See below

Big Bob/T-Bar/Xmas/Granddaddy - Cross finish line victoriously tied for first place as a bald eagle soars overhead, fireworks explode, and after Kip City stops 5 meters before the line in an attempt to girlfriend-snatch.

Damn it feels good to be American.